Thyself
by royaltyjunk
Summary: "It takes more than just yourself to find out who you are." Tine, Ced, and never again.


_Author's Ideas: Yeah, Valentine's Day is a thing. Plus, I haven't posted in awhile. So have some Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War because it's officially become my favorite game. Also have some angst, because, yes, I am doing this to you on a day meant for fluff._

 _I'm using Claude/Tailtiu and Lewyn/Erinys to emphasize a few things here and there, but other than that, we're good. You can guess the other pairings._

* * *

Thyself

* * *

Tine lived in a household of nothing.

House Freege itself held few bad memories. Tine had never been inside the castle until Sir Seliph had sieged it a few moons ago. Physically, it meant nothing to her.

When she allowed her mind to wander, it was then that horror invited itself upon her.

She opened doors that she'd wished to keep shut. If she kept quiet long enough, she could hear Hilda's cruel cackles. If she stayed still long enough, she could feel her uncle's cold hand pressed against her shoulder; his only sign of affection, if it could even be called that. If she tried hard enough, she could smell the scent of the brotherly figure Ishtore that she ran to hug when he came back from the battlefield, a musky smell that was charred with thunder half the time. If she squinted hard enough, she could see Ishtar, laughing as she combed her hair, the silver earrings that dangled from her ears glimmering in the sunlight.

The maids had wept with joy when Tine showed up at House Freege, her mother's Thoron tome under her arm, Ced's Elwind tome and a Mend staff in her pack, and a Slim Sword hanging from her belt. Her silver pendant was strapped around her neck on a leather cord.

She'd first come out of obligation. Her brother was ruling House Edda, in southern Grannvale. With her uncle's direct family completely eliminated, that left her or her aunt, Ethnia, and her cousins, Amid and Linda. Despite that, no one knew where they were. They had escaped Grandfather Reptor and Uncle Bloom's iron grip. They had escaped House Freege and ran somewhere.

Tine so wished she could have done the same.

She began to think, then, on her first night in House Freege. If she were not set to inherit either Freege or Edda, what would she do? Become Ced's queen? Wander freely?

In her muddled and tired mind, she could not find an answer, and foreswore to discard the emotions she had once seen as love.

She lived in a life of nothing.

Every day, her mind would trace itself back to that time in Belhalla, that time that Ced had left her, walking towards Silesse, not even glancing back.

Every morning, she woke up sweating and panting, her fingers digging into the bedsheets. When the maids asked if she was alright, she shrugged off their worries, and dived into the new day. Yet, at night, she lived the same memory of Ced leaving, Ced screaming, Ced dying.

Even so, she attempted to stay happy, to be cheerful, simply for the sake of all those around her. There was but one exception to her cheerfulness. She could never stay happy when she entered her office, for it was a place of solitude, a place for her thoughts to fly like birds through her mind, even the caged ones.

Her cheerful facade quickly dropped, and she found herself staring out the window in her office, studying the way the wind battered the trees and hissed at the wind chimes out of her office, the way it griped at laundry hung on a fabric line and how it swiped at children who just laughed.

She gripped the quill in her hand, steering her gaze to the large parchment in front of her.

For the next few days, a single thought echoed in her hollow mind.

She was nothing.

~ / . / . / ~

Fee visited him one day.

His sister had remained by Arthur's side at the end of the Holy War, opting to help him as the new Lady of House Edda. Just a few weeks ago, Ced had left Silesse in the hands of his trusted generals and traveled to Grannvale to attend his sister's wedding.

He hadn't expected to open the window to his bedroom and see her, grinning as she sat on her pegasus.

She was ushered in, and Fee giggled when he just crossed his arms and glared at her.

The castle of Silesse had barely changed since its time seventeen years ago. Glistening glass windows reflected sunlight into the hallways of green. Snow settled in the spires of the tall castle, and icicles dangled from the eaves of the tower. The wind battered at the trees nearby, and pegasi flocked about the sky, their riders laughing as they sparred. Ced constantly found his sister outside, laughing alongside the Pegasus Knights of Silesse.

Ced himself had been rather busy during the days he had come back. Appointing new leaders and generals to positions that had been lost in the war was a must. He'd found old Silessian trainees who he had invited back. He'd found new aspiring mages in the small villages scattered over the country. He'd found curious children who wanted join simply for learning's sake. Thus, he had quite a handful of new recruits - and with only a few experienced veterans of battle to learn from, Ced himself had taken up the teachings of the wind mages.

Despite his duties, his thoughts drifted back to Tine more than he wished them to. He thought about her while he sat beside the windows of his room, flipping through the pages of her Elthunder tome and smiling at the crinkled pages and annotations she'd written in. He thought about her when he leaned against the door to his sister's room, watching her brush her hair. He thought about her when he scrawled his name across parchment, and almost wrote House Freege as part of his title.

Ced watched the moon, watched it turn from crescent to waning, watch it go from new to full. When the night was lit up with the full moon's glow, Fee told him she was leaving.

The day she had planned to leave, a great blizzard kicked up. She stayed in Silesse for one final night, and Ced was glad she did, until she brought up her sister-in-law.

"Ced," she piped up from her side of the room on that stormy evening.

He looked up from the tome he was studying. "What is it, Fee?"

"Do you ever think about going back to her? Tine, I mean," his sister's voice was a mumble, but he shut the tome so violently that she thought she had shouted at him.

"Of course I do," he answered stiffly, shelving the book. "I need to go."

"No, you don't!" Fee retorted, setting down the lance and cloth in her hands. "You're just trying to avoid the topic! Stop it, Ced! You're better than this! If you loved her, you'd try harder!"

He tried not to look miserable, but Fee spotted the look on his face, and she rushed to his side. "I'm sorry, Ced, I didn't mean-"

"No, you're right," Ced's voice was dull and bleak, lacking the pep that had been in it just a moment ago. "I should've tried harder."

"Ced-"

"You always know exactly what I'm thinking," the sage swallowed back the tears welling up in his eyes. "Damn, reality hurts. Tine-"

He choked out her name before he crumbled to the ground, and Fee cried out in surprise.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I know I love her, but I can't even bring myself to love her."

Fee fell beside him, hugging him reassuringly.

"She deserved better than me," he whispered, clutching his face with shaky hands.

~ / . / . / ~

During the fifteenth year of King Seliph's reign, Tine received news that King Ced of Silesse had made time to visit his old comrades in battle.

He had visited Agustria first, and found company in the form of one of his father's old friend's child, Queen Lene, and her lover, the King of Agustria, Ares.

Next was Verdane, where King Lester, the only heir to the Verdane throne, greeted him kindly.

When he came to Grannvale, he made stops in multiple houses. First was the House of Belhalla, where he was warmly welcomed by King Seliph, Queen Lana, and Princess Julia. House Dozel came next, and Ced found amusement in the bickering Lord Iuchar and Lady Lakche. Next was House Edda, where his sister, Lady Fee, and her husband, Lord Arthur, jabbed at him all day when he arrived. Then, House Chalphy, where he was greeted by Lord Oifey, and then House Jungby, where he shared drinks with Lord Faval, laughing. Finally, he came upon the last house, House Freege.

The day he arrived was bright with sunlight, and a beam of sunshine split House Freege into a shimmer of light and a splash of darkness.

Tine was standing on the front porch of the house, covered and hallowed in shadows, a clear contrast to the sunlit carriage pulling up in front of her.

"King Ced," she curtsied, holding her ghostly white gown in her fingers.

"Lady Tine of Freege," he bowed.

"How… are you?" She asked tentatively.

"I've been well. And you?"

"Wonderful," she smiled, her eyes brightening with happiness. He grinned back.

"It's nice to see you again, Tine."

"It's nice to see you too, Ced."

Ced stayed for one day, and then more. One day turned to one week, to one moon.

On the last night of the moon, he went missing. He wasn't in his room or the study - not even in the garden that he spent so much time in. Forseti lay on his desk, showing that he had not ventured away from the castle. Worry sprouted in her heart, and she dismissed the frets of the maids, saying she'd find him herself.

She found him on the balcony of the hallway, leaning against the wall beside the glass door that separated the inside from the outside.

"Tine," he murmured when she slid open the door and stepped out next to him.

"Does something trouble you, Ced?" She questioned.

"Perhaps," he said, staring at the moon. "It's a full moon tonight."

"It is."

They settled into an amiable silence, the gentle wind battering at her face. She watched him through the corner of her eye, catching every twitch and movement he made.

"I suppose I have bothered you long enough," she whispered when the moon arched over their heads. She tucked her stray lavender hair behind her ear, stepping back.

"Tine," he called when she turned to leave.

"Yes?" She asked, shifting to face him.

"I am getting married in two moons," he said, his lips pursed. She didn't respond, and he continued. "Will you be there?"

She wished she could have said yes, she wished so badly. She wished she could have gotten over the stupid affections in her heart, gotten over them enough to have said a word of congratulations, but she couldn't, and she tripped over her words.

"You have your duties," her voice was coldly emotionless when she finally spoke. "And I have mine."

Ced had no answer to her statement, so she stepped forward and clutched onto the balcony railing, stared out across the castle city, gently watching the villages that danced with fire, aglow in torches. When she looked back, he was gone.

He left the following day. When she next got word, he was in Thracia, visiting Princess Altenna of Lenstar and Prince Areone of Thracia.

~ / . / . / ~

He bumped into her in the town of Belhalla, a child on her heels.

She was wandering the markets of the Holy City, and he found her in a vendor, flipping through books and offering them to the girl beside her.

When she spotted him, she handed off the Elfire book in her hands to the girl and approached him.

"I didn't know you had a daughter," he commented softly when she stood in front of him.

"I don't," she responded bleakly. "That's Arthur's daughter. Your niece. She's taking over Freege. His son is taking over Edda. She'll be living with me from now on."

She didn't say anything, but Ced could hear the hidden meaning behind her words; that she would have a child, that maybe she would've had more than just one, if he'd stayed with her.

"What's her name?" He asked. "I haven't heard from Fee since she told me she was pregnant. Almost five years ago, if I remember correctly."

Tine's eyes softened. "Tailtiu. Her brother is Claude."

Ced laughed, and Tine smiled, a small smile that brightened her features.

"Auntie Tine?" Tailtiu stood behind her, and the head of Freege turned to meet her niece.

"Is something wrong, Tailtiu?"

"I… I found a few status staves. You said yesterday that you wanted to try them out, right?" The girl tried to look brave, but one nervous look at Ced told him that she was scared of him - scared of him for her aunt's sake.

Tine seemed to notice it too, because she gestured for Ced to come over.

"Tailtiu," she started when Ced is next to her. "This is King Ced of Silesse."

"Oh!" The wariness and fear in her eyes disappeared, covered by a veil of embarrassment and her red cheeks. "I… I apologize, Your Majesty. I did not know…" She bowed deeply, and Ced smiled.

"Stop it," he bent down and ruffled her hair. "That's no way to talk to your uncle, you know."

"Y-Yes, Uncle Ced!" She dissolved into peals of laughter, and he chuckled alongside her. Tine smiled with them.

Eventually, they followed along the dirt roads leading away from Belhalla, and Ced found himself tracing his steps back to Silesse in his mind. Tine seemed to be doing the same, constantly casting glances at the gates that separated Freege from them.

"I must bid you farewell here," he said, looking up at the sun. "I should be going back to Silesse now."

"Very well. Tailtiu, come. I'll take you to your new home."

"Yay!" The girl's eyes glittered with joy. "Is Uncle Ced coming with us?"

"No, he has to go back to Silesse."

"He doesn't live with you?" The child asked, and Tine froze. Ced stiffened, and Tailtiu, unaware of the tenseness in the air, continued. "Father once told me that aunts and uncles are married. That's why Uncle Seliph and Aunt Lana are always together."

"Tailtiu," Ced was the first to recover, "I'll see you again, okay?"

"You really have to go?" Tailtiu asked.

"Yes. Be nice to your aunt, okay?"

"Of course! She's Father's sister, right? Why would I be mean to her?" Tailtiu pouted, and Ced laughed, hugging her.

Tailtiu skipped ahead of Tine, turning to wave happily to Ced. The sage smiled and waved back.

Tine cast a look at him, a reserved look that he could barely decipher before she made to follow the child. The only thing he could see in her eyes was pain, and he found himself acting before he could even think.

"Tine!"

The war mage stopped, turning to look at the man outlined in sunlight.

"You should come. To Silesse."

She laughed then, her voice like the lilting chime of a bell. The red ribbons in her hair fluttered prettily in the gentle breeze, the breeze that he had learned to read, the breeze that always spoke the truth to him. When Tine replied, the breeze whispered her words to him.

"I'm sure I will."

~ / . / . / ~

He is dead by the time she visits Silesse for the first time since her childhood.

Fee arranges for her to stay in the royal castle alongside her and Arthur, who live in Silesse now that their son Claude has taken over House Edda.

Tine bids a fond farewell to Tailtiu, and laughs when Tailtiu hugs her tighter as her mother lands her pegasus. When Fee takes off, Tine waves to Tailtiu, and Tailtiu waves back, clutching a silver pendant close to her chest.

When she arrives at the large castle covered in snow, a beautiful green-haired woman is waiting for them. Tine learns that the woman is Ced's wife, Misha.

She tries to offer condolences to her, but finds nothing to say except "I'm sorry". Misha just smiles and looks at her with a strange look in her eyes before pulling Tine into a hug. Arthur tells her later that the woman knows about what happened in the Holy War.

It takes her a while to piece together what her brother is telling her, but when she does, she buries her face in her hands and weeps for every lost lover's sake - even her own.

Misha talks to her more often as the days go by, and she finds herself more willing to converse with the other woman. Eventually, they become close friends, and Tine begins to confide in Misha the affections that she had once locked away.

"He loved you," Misha says as she pours Tine a cup of tea. "He always did."

Tine takes the cup, and Misha seems to notice her trembling fingers because she clasps her hands around Tine's and smiles. The cup of tea sits on the table, forgotten, when Tine starts to cry, her tears dropping steadily upon the tablecloth.

Fee and Misha take her out on regular pegasi rides, and Tine learns to love the snow, the cold and the wind that he had surely loved. Misha takes her over the forests, visiting villages and towns, greeting the civilians who always smile back. Fee lands them on the mountains, laughing when they arrive back in Silesse covered in snow, and Arthur scolds them for their recklessness.

Fee tells her why she loves going to the mountains one day.

"They was buried here," the woman states. "My father and my brother."

Tine can't comprehend her words for a moment, her breath caught in her throat. It's like the world falls down on her in that moment, and she freezes in time.

"Ced?" She finally chokes out.

Fee winces. "Sorry, that was-"

Tine shakes her head. "It's fine… It's nice to get things off your chest once in a while, isn't it?"

Fee just looks at her worriedly.

The next morning, Tine finds her first gray hair. The castle shakes with Arthur's laughter. Fee and Misha take her on a ride, the former cracking jokes the entire time.

They end up laughing and shoveling snow at each other, collapsing in the white powder as a heap of laughing women, not as the Queen of Silesse, or the former Ladies of Houses Edda and Freege.

When Misha leaves to go back to the castle, Fee grins at Tine.

"There's an awesome place where you can see the sea, just over the mountains," Fee says, her eyes gleaming with excitement. Tine smiles back and nods happily.

They saddle up, and in a few moments, they've taken to the sky.

They land on a cliff overlooking the sea, and Tine wades through the snow, standing as close to the edge as she can. The fiery sunlight meets her eyes, and she looks up to see the sea swallowing the sun, casting an orange and pink aura over the pure white snow that simply reflects the colors back.

"The sunset is beautiful," Tine whispers.

"Yeah," her companion agrees. "Ced… he loved this place." Tine can tell from the slight hesitation in her speech that her words are cautiously picked.

Tine just smiles and responds, "I'm sure I'll love it then."

Fee gives her a tired smile. "You know, Ced was always worrying about you."

Her comment makes Tine feel the familiar sensation of tears welling up in her eyes.

"Fee?" She asks quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure who I am anymore," Tine confesses, "I… haven't known for a while."

"It takes more than just yourself," Fee smiles, "to find out who you are."

Tine laughs bitterly. "Then maybe… I should've asked him earlier."

The Falcon Knight turns to look at her, and for once, Tine doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, because she can see Ced's green eyes staring back at her, filled with joy and sorrow, of reminiscence and nostalgia, of a never ending love that she'd never seen.

She knows in that moment that she has gotten one step closer to finding herself.

* * *

 _Misha is a character from FE5, Thracia 776. She's a Pegasus Knight who ends up becoming the new leader of Silesse's Pegasus Knights. I would have chosen Karin, another Pegasus Knight from 776 who happens to be looking for Ced after he goes missing, but I felt that Misha would have had more support from the people considering what she does in 776. Also Karin is legit twelve. The cliff they watch the sunset on is based on a scene in the Oosawa manga, when Raquesis throws a bottle into the sea to symbolize that she's moved on since Eldigan's death._

 _Oh, yeah. Happy [early] Valentine's Day, everyone._


End file.
